Tag Archives: Learning

The Littlest Frustrations

17 Sep

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Are the ones that make you smile

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The Untitled

13 Sep

The next ten weeks or so will be extremely busy for me.

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I hope I get to write and think a bit.

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In the meantime I think I will post my favorite pictures from my summer of playing.

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Did I mention this is a borrowed camera from my mother?

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I just love that camera!

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oops

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I mean I just love that woman!

To Win Some

10 Sep

“I don’t normally introduce myself to strangers”, I said shyly.

“I’m no stranger, I am here every day” he quipped in a soft voice.

I sat down next to him, and feeling bold with nothing to loose I just blurted.

“I think your beautiful, I really would love to take your picture”

“I think you are mistaken” he replied with a smile.

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However he smiled like he has heard this before. “What will you do with a photo of me?” he asked.

I might study it some more. I think I might grow up to be an artist.

Soon.

“That might be alright then, but I hope I don’t break that camera of yours.”

We talked then, of the city and growing up and then old.

We agreed that we all win some and loose some. “mostly I have lost some” he said with distance in his eye.

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I hope today we both won something. I feel richer by having the courage to stop, not just pass by.

To Study Our Daughters

4 Sep

To study my daughter is to see myself more clearly.

I rode that same tractor as a child

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Ran from it and all that it represented

Me

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And now I am back home

To nurture her in the same nest

Under the same sun

Tapping into the same roots

To stand back and watch her grow

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In awe

I.O.U.

1 Sep

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I am deeply obligated to a person who caused me much anguish because the grief made me grow up emotionally and gave me a little more understanding. ~Betty Smith ( A Tree Grows in Brooklyn )

For some people, emotional pain leaves as quickly as it is inflicted. They can go through the most anguishing times and pick themselves back up with a nonchalant smile and an American can do attitude. I have a love/hate relationship with those sunny people. Particularly because it is so darn easy for them, that they can be a bit harsh with us misers that have become addicted to licking our wounds and examining our scars.

Just put in the good Lord’s hands.

You must let forgiveness into your heart!

Count your blessings for goodness sake!

Despite the good natured judgment from my sunny neighbors, I now know that both the Polly Anna’s of this world and my own kindred spirits have this in common; we all have been hurt deeply and if we examine our anguish, we can grow.

Some weeks I can breeze right through, without feeling the familiar stab of pain; that pain where my heart used to be. I hear from people that have suffered the loss of a limb that there is a ghost pain. The appendage that is gone will throb incessantly, and they must endure a regular pain management regimen to control the pain from an injury that has long been “healed”.

Some days, lessons are hard to endure. When we suddenly realize what a loved one REALLY thinks of us. Where loyalty truly lies. These things are never equal; no, one heart always beats stronger than the other in every relationship. When we give something our all, and then suddenly have to realize that the other person in our life is not nearly as committed, a part of our soul is awakened as it simultaneously being crushed.

I think this is the pruning and grafting of the healthy whole that the ancients wrote about. And it hurts. With these hard lessons though, come deepening wisdom and understanding and we must take a moment to extend gratitute to the universe and the power behind it; for if we had not be insulted, would we really know why we must every day practice holding our tongue? If we do not experience abandonment, how would we truly know not to injure others or the value of staying by a loved ones side? How else would I know for sure that it is not ok, to just walk away from people that I am supposed to love? How else would I understand the complexity of our everyday lives?

Yes, this week I had to remind myself as I rubbed old wounds; parts of myself that are now only memories, are the scars left behind for the purpose of reminding myself that I now have a better understanding of life. I have been pruned and grafted with an extraordinary oppertunity to serve others with my years. This is also a great oppertunity to aknowledge people in my life that are older than I am and know that they are mentors in life ready to help.

I pray that they will find me in time.

Someday, maybe, I will be able to write about the abyss of depression, confusion and sickness that shattered my heart, and the amputation that followed. Not this week. This week it is enough to know that without anguish there could not be true understanding. And the people in my life responsible for those lessons should be deeply appreciated.

Jaded I am. Wiser still I stand before my maker.

Graditute intertwined with understanding.

Today Is Only A Shadow Of Tommrow

27 Aug

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Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. ~Neil Postman, The Disappearance of Childhood (introduction), 1982

Sunday Morning Musings Over Coffee

25 Aug

WHAT STALKING TAUGHT ME THIS SUMMER

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When you think of a mother, what comes to mind?

“Eat your vegetables”

“Waste not, want not”

“Because I made it for you, if you don’t want it, go hungry until the my next meal”

“Make hay while the sun shines!”

When I was in Morocco, I was with some farmers and I was able to observe how much people depended on the seasons to go well so there would be food on the table. Imported food is expensive, and hubz ( bread ) and the local fare was what there was to eat at every meal. Mother nature nurtures that lovely country without fail.

This summer as I learned to forage a bit, I was reminded that when co-operating with mother nature, I had to eat what was laid out on that proverbial table or go hungry.

I learned that stalking what I did not plant takes a lot of energy and time.

As I thought about the time it takes to clean lily bulbs for the table, or cringed about the time it can take to harvest a flour out of the seeds to purslane, I had to admit that choosing to spend my time in such a way forced me back to a bosom that I didn’t know I had missed. I felt taken care of. Sheltered a bit. Nurtured.

It is true that I also felt empowered by the knowledge I gained, and I felt independent of the need for money and a good grocery store. But mostly I was reminded of my time in a developing country and the jealousy I felt as I watched them move about and respond to the very unchanged earth that took care of them.

Here in the United States not many of us cannot choose to live this way full time. We have sophisticated responsibilities and cities to maintain. We have a way of life to protect. I have children I have to raise and train in the way of technology and making a living.

Yet…

Together we took a moment out of our summer and allowed ourselves to remember from who’s womb we were born and return to her bosom for a bit of rest. This summer we were able to decide that we will continue to gather from her and allow ourselves to be nourished, taking lessons from our brothers and sisters across the ocean and give thanks for all that has been provided.

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