Tag Archives: Coffee

To Win Some

10 Sep

“I don’t normally introduce myself to strangers”, I said shyly.

“I’m no stranger, I am here every day” he quipped in a soft voice.

I sat down next to him, and feeling bold with nothing to loose I just blurted.

“I think your beautiful, I really would love to take your picture”

“I think you are mistaken” he replied with a smile.

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However he smiled like he has heard this before. “What will you do with a photo of me?” he asked.

I might study it some more. I think I might grow up to be an artist.

Soon.

“That might be alright then, but I hope I don’t break that camera of yours.”

We talked then, of the city and growing up and then old.

We agreed that we all win some and loose some. “mostly I have lost some” he said with distance in his eye.

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I hope today we both won something. I feel richer by having the courage to stop, not just pass by.

To Study Our Daughters

8 Sep

To look at them as through a glass darkly
They show us some things
Not like before
When we heard and saw everything
Because they believed that we knew everything
Had all the solutions

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They believe the trail was blazed by mothers long ago
That we already know the way

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Now that she is far from me
I lead her by shadows and suggestions
Pray for her peace
Long to hold her again

Sunday Morning Musings Over Coffee

25 Aug

WHAT STALKING TAUGHT ME THIS SUMMER

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When you think of a mother, what comes to mind?

“Eat your vegetables”

“Waste not, want not”

“Because I made it for you, if you don’t want it, go hungry until the my next meal”

“Make hay while the sun shines!”

When I was in Morocco, I was with some farmers and I was able to observe how much people depended on the seasons to go well so there would be food on the table. Imported food is expensive, and hubz ( bread ) and the local fare was what there was to eat at every meal. Mother nature nurtures that lovely country without fail.

This summer as I learned to forage a bit, I was reminded that when co-operating with mother nature, I had to eat what was laid out on that proverbial table or go hungry.

I learned that stalking what I did not plant takes a lot of energy and time.

As I thought about the time it takes to clean lily bulbs for the table, or cringed about the time it can take to harvest a flour out of the seeds to purslane, I had to admit that choosing to spend my time in such a way forced me back to a bosom that I didn’t know I had missed. I felt taken care of. Sheltered a bit. Nurtured.

It is true that I also felt empowered by the knowledge I gained, and I felt independent of the need for money and a good grocery store. But mostly I was reminded of my time in a developing country and the jealousy I felt as I watched them move about and respond to the very unchanged earth that took care of them.

Here in the United States not many of us cannot choose to live this way full time. We have sophisticated responsibilities and cities to maintain. We have a way of life to protect. I have children I have to raise and train in the way of technology and making a living.

Yet…

Together we took a moment out of our summer and allowed ourselves to remember from who’s womb we were born and return to her bosom for a bit of rest. This summer we were able to decide that we will continue to gather from her and allow ourselves to be nourished, taking lessons from our brothers and sisters across the ocean and give thanks for all that has been provided.

Sunday Morning Musing Over Coffee

23 Jun

I woke up this morning to send my daughters off with their aunt to their first rabbit and cavy show. I felt only a little bit selfish to smile and wave goodbye knowing their brother was sleeping and I was about to enjoy a beautiful sunrise all by myself. Image

One of my favorite activities as always been to greet the sun. When I was a moody teenager on this same family farm, I would get up and go sit behind the barn to watch the sun come up and think. Today was no different, yet special in its own way…as usual. As usual, it was just plain awesome in its own right.

Today as I decided to forgo my window musing space and instead walk barefoot through wet grass and talk to the flowerbeds. I thought about how I have not been thinking much at all lately.

All winter long as I am caught up in my ambition and quest for a different tomorrow, I make a list of things I don’t have time for and think about  how I will make it up in my three of four months of summer, my time “off”.

This last week I have done absolutly nothing.

And I have enjoyed every last minute of it.

I remember talking to a teacher a few summers ago, and she told me that teachers need the three months off to rest and regroup. I think she is wrong only because I think everyone needs time to stop. I think we all need LOTS of time to stop and do all sorts of incredible, soul nourishing, body restoring, glorious nothing.

Nothing like only making your own tea from the garden can provide.

Nothing like only a long visit to old friends can restore your soul.

Nothing like looking around your home and seeing all of those loose ends that need to be tied up, and choosing one small task for the chore of the day and resting with a bad book and that cup of tea fresh off the stove for the other seventeen hours that we are out of bed.

Nothing like looking at your dog that needs to be walked and turning it into a day long hike, hiding from all the responsibilities that want to turn us into responsible adults that never have any rest.

This next week I am determined to start tackling my to do list with the same fervor that I had in the fall, but this week was a wonderful break from thinking so much and just breathing in the essence of life as it passed by. I hope everyone takes some time to indulge in at the very least, a little bit of beautiful nothing.

 

Sunday Morning Musing Over Coffee

9 Jun

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When I was a girl, I remember it being said that the road to destruction is wide and well paved, but the road to salvation is narrow and difficult to navigate.

I have read that roads less traveled are the best.

I know they are the most exciting.

Thrilling, mostly.

This week I have been thinking about this blazing of trails thing, and decided that the name itself is three-fold.

First, I understand my role to show my children the way around life. This road is well traveled. Not because we are all headed to horrible destruction, but because there are basic things we all need, and we all walk similar paths to the local watering hole, so to speak. I understand that it is my responsibility to teach them to use the local library, respect their teachers and take care of their elders.

I am thinking this morning about how these wide, paved roads may be getting a bad rap. Some roads are wide and paved because they are absolutely necessary for all people to travel down, and without the wide “easy” road, many people would never find their way to education, spirituality and the like. This week I have been thinking about all the packed down paths that I am showing my children; the same ones my mother led me down just a few short years ago. These trails, familiar to me, and fodder for Thanksgiving day and Christmas dinner table chatter, are bran-spankin’ new places for my children. The library parties in the park, the creek that I dipped my toes into as a child, and long afternoons at the playground, are all places that most parents spend time with their children. Not exactly a crazy trail to blaze, but it seems so to three little Wendy’s in a small Michigan town.

While it is my responsibility to show my children the most useful and treasured trails they need to use, so they can become responsible adults and pass the torch, my deepest desire is to teach them to reach to new heights, new ideas and embrace beautiful new adventures. To blaze new trails.

Second, I, Wendy’s mother, would prefer not to travel wide paths, or the narrow and difficult path, and even less traveled paths for that matter. I am the personality that will crash through all barriers to see what it is that is absolutely MUST experience. At all cost. Remember that I am perfectly able to rent a small apartment and worry about money and be economically disadvantaged like a million other single mothers out there. kudos to all mommies out there that can maintain normal. I admire you and commend you for all that you do.I admit the obvious; that I cannot be average or normal. I choose to stamp our passports instead while pursuing a career that may never pay my rent. (Perhaps it is whitewashing my situation to call it blazing a trail!)

Last, I am embarking upon a new path for myself. I am moving into and exploring the realm of teaching and mentoring.

I am moving into the realm of blazing trails.

 

Sunday Morning Musing Over Coffee

2 Jun

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At this point in time I have three different borrowed windows through which to sip my morning coffee and muse (Don’t I have a wonderful circle of family and friends?) This Sunday morning I am borrowing my daughter’s window and coffee maker. She has a wonderful view of water and wonderful neighbors. I watch the coy in the pond swim about in time to music that I cannot hear and watch birds light on the fence that keeps the neighborhood kids from swimming during the humid Michigan summers.

I don’t bird watch, but this morning I was sitting and sipping coffee, and a Robin lighted right beside me. We stared at each other for several seconds; I am not sure which one of us was more surprised! I was happy to have his company, but he preferred not to keep mine and continued about his business.

I have to confess that is not really what I am contemplating this morning.

These last few weeks I have had a lot on my mind because I have lost another family member. This morning I am thinking about the different kinds of loss we all must suffer. This time I did not loose someone to death, but they were lost by choice.

I have a hard time with these kinds of losses. In my little world, once I legally become family, I would rather die a thousand deaths than go back on a promise. But this is not my life, and my little world did not have an address for this person. It was not a choice for me to make.

I know what you are thinking, if in fact you have read this far you are saying something out loud,( like I can hear you),something about how some people are here for a season, but everyone is here for a reason. I know, and I hate it too. I want everyone to be here for a reason and for as many seasons that it takes for us to die. That is how I am; I am a forever kind of gal. I am a forever kind of lover, mother and yes, even a forever kind of mother in law.

I am mourning this weekend like I am the one getting a divorce. Self-centered aren’t I? Like this life and everyone who comes in and out are all about me. True, my narcissism may have reached a true high point, but I still miss him. This whole time I was recounting to all of my friends what a great son in law I have. He hunts, loves his family and is patient and kind. This whole time I didn’t know that he didn’t really want to be here with my baby, or my family.

Damn, I really threw my heart out there for this kid.

Smile because it happened, right? Don’t cry because it is over! Now I love Dr. Seuss as much as the next gal, but I am really sad his time is over with us. I wish today I was a bit more mature and wise. I wish I could embrace change like my family and peers. I wish I could love as easily and forgive as effortlessly as the people in my life that I admire do.

But I don’t.

Once I decide to love, I am so tangled up and invested in that person that the untangling process is absolutely horrid. Of course, I didn’t know this about myself until a few years ago. Over the last eight years or so I have had to move on from some very important relationships. I still wish that I didn’t have to.

So, this morning I toast yesterday as bravely as I can because I am so glad for the people that have been in my life up to this point. Today I raise my coffee cup and toast to tomorrow also; I toast for everyone that will be in my life for too short of a season. I know already that I will cry many more tears over my future loves than they will shed over me; not because they are less sensitive, or love less; they are probably just a bit more grown up. And to satisfy the altruistic artist’s soul in me, today I am defiantly toasting to forever.

Sunday Morning Musing Over Coffee

26 May

I am at the end of my ten weeks…again.
I am tired from all of our deadlines and projects due.
A friend of mine suggested a change in view.

Perhaps it would be good to stop looking at the world through wars and dates and places with names wondering why the only consistency in history is that we fall apart…
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And stop to look at the world with a little wonder.
It really doesn’t take science to stop and look a bit closer.
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And it feels really good to get lost in something bigger than ourselves without getting overwhelmed.
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Just embraced.
So for today I will be doing a bit less musing and a little more hiking.
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