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To Study Our Daughters

8 Sep

To look at them as through a glass darkly
They show us some things
Not like before
When we heard and saw everything
Because they believed that we knew everything
Had all the solutions

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They believe the trail was blazed by mothers long ago
That we already know the way

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Now that she is far from me
I lead her by shadows and suggestions
Pray for her peace
Long to hold her again

To Study Our Daughters

4 Sep

To study my daughter is to see myself more clearly.

I rode that same tractor as a child

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Ran from it and all that it represented

Me

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And now I am back home

To nurture her in the same nest

Under the same sun

Tapping into the same roots

To stand back and watch her grow

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In awe

Today Is Only A Shadow Of Tommrow

27 Aug

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Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. ~Neil Postman, The Disappearance of Childhood (introduction), 1982

Craving Attention

24 Aug

Danielle

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DANIELLE.

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o.k. Stop texting and talk to me please.

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Mom. I don’t text all the time.

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I am on Google.

If You Are A Boy

31 Jul

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Some afternoons are just better than others.

The Present

23 Jul

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I am floating.

I can sense light but am aware that it is both radiating from me and radiating from outside conscience. There is a rhythm…distant, yet within that beats in a soothing tempo, tempting me to slip into bliss. My soul is cradled in warmth, unaware that it is water or air. Perhaps both. Something reminiscent of the womb, if the spirit had yet experienced it. Perhaps it is yearning for what is to come. Perhaps it is reminiscing what had been; existing in the past and future, floating in the peaceful present. This present, undisturbed by forces that break conscience, pull us out of the here, the absolute reality of the now, into the dance of awareness of others. I breathe in…and out…relishing the buoyancy of the universe.

I hear something from outside of myself. I am sad to answer it, but it is demanding that it be answered; calling a name. Is it calling me? I want to remain in my cocoon, to stay immersed in the bliss of the present. The name is being called, repeated, with increasing urgency. I can’t ignore it, something in my spirit has to answer. I struggle to break now, from the embrace and comfort that is enveloping me. Pulling me back to it, I struggle with it. My peace is now a shackle because I cannot come up, or out. That name…it is mine. I am wanted outside of myself. I push up and breathe in.

MOM!!!!!

I’m here. I’m here. I see you .

Blinking in the brilliant sun I begin treading water again, the sound of birds and water beating against the shore filling my ears and my deprived senses.

Watch me jump off the dock mom!

I see you now! I can see you! I love it! I am here in your moment. Now.

Blazing A Trail For Me

21 Jul

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One of the most precious things about being a parent is what our kids can teach us and where they can lead us. This week my son blazed a trail to our first 4-H BB gun shoot. We would have never have become involved with this sport had it not been for David leading the way.

You see, Dave was BORN holding a gun. Not because we are enthusiasts of the sport, but because if guns had not been invented, he would have been the man to invent them. Some people are born passionate about their life hobby and sometimes, their life’s work. David is one of those people. The minute Dave could sit up he was taking things apart and putting them back together, so as soon as he could cut and paste he was in the internet teaching himself how to make working guns out of paper. He loves the process of creating, but also loves the mechanics of a working machine. Guns of course would be the natural cumulation of such interests.

We are country people, so naturally our summers are not complete without BB guns and all of the empty soup cans we knock over with them. Davids passion and interest goes much deeper than that. His interests go beyond sling shots, cane pole fishing and typical cop and robber games. So, like any other country bumpkin mom living out in the sticks, I enrolled my child into 4-H so we could get the proper mentoring and inclusion into a group that knows EVERYTHING about the subject we know NOTHING about, so David could explore his passion for marksmanship.

As we were all standing around watching his first shoot, it occurred to me how much our children can teach us, and lead us into, if we listen to them and follow their lead. I thought about how this parenting thing is a partnership of mentoring between our communities, our children and ourselves. I am so humbled by how my child’s life makes my community so much bigger by introducing the whole family to people and places that we would never encountered if we had not stopped to listen to another heartbeat and follow the sound.

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